Dealing

You would think with my family history that I would come to expect certain things. For instance, it would be reasonable for me to expect to develop RA, diabetes, heart disease, RLS, and several other odd conditions. But I'm still having trouble coming to terms with the one condition I've managed to inherit - pulmonary supraventricular tachycardia. That's a big fancy word for an electrical disturbance that originates in the ventricular cavity and causes the heart to beat twice in exceedingly rapid succession and then feel as if it is skipping a beat. It's non-lethal in and of itself, but it causes excess blood to build up in the heart which can cause clots. It will also at some point in my life develop into A-fib (atrial fibrillation) which is potentially lethal. I started having severe tachycardia spells about three years ago and have been on beta blockers ever since. Normally the meds keep it under control, but every once in a while it strikes, leaving me unable to function for several days at a time. When it happens just once or on occasion, it's no big deal. But usually when a spell hits me, it will continue unchecked for four to six hours, draining my energy and making me feel as if an alien life form sucked all of my energy out through a suction cup placed on my head.

So why am I posting this ridiculously long explanation of a condition that you don't really care about? I'm curious. How do we deal with conditions that will affect us the rest of our lives? How do we go to bed at night knowing that some day this thing will kill us (if a bus doesn't first?) I haven't gotten to the point of dealing. I'm still angry. I'm still confused. I'm still incredibly disappointed that I will probably never be able to skydive, base jump, or any of those cool things I wanted to do as a kid because people with heart conditions aren't allowed. I know people with conditions that could kill them tomorrow, and they are happier than I was before I developed this stupid thing. Why can't I be there? I want to be there. I want to not care that I feel like crap right now, and that I won't be able to swim for a good week because I simply don't have the energy.