Keepers of Time

Some of you are probably aware of the garden my dad and his wife keep during the summer, but if you aren't, there's a fairly large section of the front lawn dedicated to growing peas and corn. Well, it's getting that time of year already. The snap peas are ready to be picked now. So this evening after dinner, Dad, Sharon, Mark, and I went out to the pea patch, got our buckets, and went to work. There were three rows, and Sharon, Mark, and I each took a row. Dad set about pulling up the grasses and weeds growing in between the bushes. After gleaning about half the row of their small, green pods, I stood up to rest. I looked out over the red earth and the orange sunset, wiped my brow, and pulled my thick black hair up under Mark's cap that I stole from him. I looked at my husband and father, each dutifully tending to his task, and my mind raced back to when I was a little girl in the same fields with my grandmother. With her linen pants and big straw hat on, she would carefully attend to each plant on each row until her back would give way and we would have to stop. Afterward we would take the overflowing bushel basket or baskets home and set about stringing and snapping each and every pea before washing, blanching, and freezing them.

And so it is that my grandmother, who lived through some of the most trying times the century knew, continued to practice the skills that got her family by on what little they had. It is a skill, and artform, that has all but died in our age of convenience and contrivance. I couldn't help but think of her as I divided out my six gallons of peas and brought them home to do just the same thing. I know that somewhere, my grandmother is looking down on me and she is smiling because at least one of her grand children took something that was so basic and fundamental to her and made it a part of their life. I feel as if I'm keeping alive part of the past, like I'm taking something out of time and putting it in the timeless. It makes me feel a deep connection with her and with those who came before. It makes me proud.

Waking

I realized today that I hate you
That all I wanted was to hurt you
Because that's what we're really good at.
Hurting.

I woke up this morning to a lie
The same lie I believed every
minute of every day
of my whole, entire life.

I saw you with her and
It broke my heart
Wide open, like a melon
Smashed on the sidewalk.

You felt the need to hurt me
Why I don't know.
I will never know.
But I know that you hurt more.

You took my sanity
And gave me confidence
I'm not sure if that's right
or Wrong. But I know it's truth

We are ghosts in the night,
Angels or demons, I'm not sure which.
Empty, hollow and
yet full of passion, love, hate, anger.

Lovers torn apart
by our own ambitions.
You were always wrong for me
But somehow right.

I realized today that I love you
And always will.
We hurt each other
But then you carry me home.

Take me home...

Why it takes women longer than men to shower

My husband and I were at the store yesterday buying a few things, and I needed to pick up face wash, so I did. Well, he felt the need to ask me why I had to buy two different face washes, and that sparked a discussion about the differences between men and women and their morning routines. So, for your reading enjoyment - here is why it takes us so much longer than men. When I get in the shower in the morning, the first thing I do is wash my face. We already established that I use two - one with salycilic acid and one with benzoyl peroxide. If I don't use both of them (and in the correct order) my face looks like a pepperoni pizza. And no one wants that. And I use an exfoliating sponge that I have to wash out in between soaps. The next thing I do is actually shower off. I also use two body washes. The first is a moisturizing body wash (so my skin doesn't feel like alligator scales) and the second is feminine wash (well...). And of course in between using the two I have to wash out my bath puff and that takes time. If I have to shave, well that add another 10 minutes because I simply cannot see in the shower to shave. So if I rush myself you can guarantee there will be blood all over the floor from me attempting to amputate a foot. If I don't have to shave (which I don't do regularly enough) I can move on to washing my hair. Now, guys just don't get this. I can't JUST use shampoo or a 2-in-1. It just doesn't happen. I use specifically designed for brunettes shampoo first, which takes FOREVER to work through my ridiculously thick hair and even longer to wash out. Then I use one, sometimes two conditioners depending on how dry my hair is. If I have to use multiples, I usually use one that requires I leave it in for 2 to 3 minutes. And yes, it takes a mountain of conditioner just to work through my hair. It all get soaked up, because again, my hair is chronically dry. Hokay. Shower's over. Now I get to brush my teeth, bandage any cuts from shaving, put on deodorant and all that fun stuff. More hair stuff. If I decide to go with it straight, I just use two styling products - hair oil and lotion cream (again for the dryness). Then I get to blow-dry it. Yay! That takes another 5-10 minutes. And then if I have to use the straightener we're there for 20. If I go with it curly I have to use mousse and gel in addition to the other two products. But then no drying, so we're good. Oh yes, I forgot about the whole lotion thing. I use Lubriderm on my arms and legs, but that takes like 30 seconds to apply so it's almost not worth mentioning.

Allright. Now I'm ready to get dressed. If I'm not going out, there's no makeup involved, so we're done. Makeup takes about 5 minutes on average because I wear so little. And you know what? I'm still done in the same amount of time it takes my husband to SHOWER. Just to shower. So guys next time you think we're taking too long to get ready, think about all that crap we have to go through just for you. Think about our soft, silky hair or our smooth skin and think about all the work we had to do to get it that way. And don't complain next time we take longer than you think we should. Kay thanks.

Just. Wow.

You ever find yourself in a situation and have no idea how you got there? It seems I have been doing that on quite a regular basis lately. I haven't exactly figured out why yet. It just seems like the harder I try to maintain normality the more it slips away. One problem fixes itself only to manifest another. I suppose that's just how life is. A string of problems which end in more problems. I'm still looking around going, "what the hell happened?" I almost feel like I'm on the tail end of a bad storm, looking at the ruins of a house or something. Of course, I over-exaggerate. It's not that bad. It's just confusing as hell. You wake up one day with your life in order, expecting certain truths to remain as such, and the next morning, it's all completely different. I guess a lot of my problem is that I take these things for granted. I take for granted that I'll wake up next to the same person with the same cats and dog piled around me and go outside to find the same Silver Dodge and Steel Blue Jeep out in the parking lot. I just assume that when I go to dad's that the family will be intact and that Mom will be in her little cubby hole at John's. And then one day it just doesn't play out that way and you think, "what the deuce, where did this come from?" I guess I should just get used to it.