Ends, Beginnings, and Everything in Between

Ends. Well, the family took Granddaddy home this week, but it quickly became obvious that Mom and my aunt La Juan couldn't take care of him there. Both of them have ended up on the floor with him more than once, and both of them have gone without sleep most of the week/weekend to care for him. So, they're going to try and take him back to the nursing home tomorrow. I know he's going to fight them, but the two of them can't keep on, and I can't help them do a lot because of my er, condition. (Mostly though, Mom won't let me help. She thinks lifting a book is going to hurt the baby.) Honestly, even though it hurts, I am praying that God will take him home peacefully, and soon. It hurts me to see him in this condition, and it hurts me to see his children hurting themselves to make him comfortable.

Beginnings. I had a realization today that August is right around the corner. And even though I'm excited about the baby and can't wait for him to be here, I'm not ready. We're not ready. The house is not ready. I am so unprepared for this. Everyone says that everything will fall into place, but it just doesn't feel like that. I really hope it does, because it's going to have to. I know women have been having babies since there were women to have them. But how do I go from being me to being a mother? God knows, I don't.

Everything in between. Work has been ridiculous. I have been so exhausted that I haven't been cleaning like I should be. The clothes are piling up, the sink is full of dishes, and I really need to mop the floors. But God still loves me, and so does my husband. It will get clean eventually. Also, Darcy has randomly decided he wants to be a friendly, inside cat. A few nights ago he virtually assaulted me about 2 am demanding to be petted. This is odd for him. Usually he tries to bite me when I scratch his head. So I guess it's good that he's being friendly. The bad thing about this, is that he's not really litter box savvy. The last time he tried to use a box he missed it completely. So the bathtub has become the litter box. This is not acceptable. I haven't decided what to do about this. Maybe he'll figure it out. Oh and, if anyone is looking for a cat, let me know. I still have four foster cats, and my brother's cat just had kittens. Whee.

The Aches of Life

Some of you have noticed that I periodically post asking for prayer for my family. So I guess I'll let you in on what's going on. About a month ago, my grandfather had pneumonia, which led him to aspirate. That was the beginning of the trouble. The doctors thought he would make a full recovery, so we vented him and allowed them to do some respiratory therapy. Well, now his kidneys are failing. He was suffering from renal failure before he got sick, but it wasn't bad enough to warrant dialysis, and it sort of planed out at a certain functional percentage. But now, the kidneys just can't work hard enough to keep his heart and lungs going. He's been going to dialysis for a couple of weeks now, and has periodically mentioned stopping it. Well last night, he decided he was done and he was going home. So he's at home, basically waiting on his kidneys to shut down. I don't expect him to last more than a few weeks. But, I also didn't expect him to make it this long. This is particularly hard on me because he's more like a second father to me than a grandfather. And I know that he really wanted to see the baby. In fact, over the weekend while my mom and aunt were fighting with the nurses and aides, he leaned over to me and said, "Sweetheart, I'm sorry I let you down". Needless to say I lost it. It's also been very stressful for my mother. She's so determined to be there for him that she's killing herself. It's a very sad time for the Rudd children.

But on the lighter side, Lane is growing every day. It seems like overnight I get bigger and bigger. He has settled down some, but he's still got some power behind those little kicks and punches. The other day I thought he was going to suffocate me by pushing one of my other internal organs into my lungs. Okay, maybe that's a little melodramatic, but still. He's also insistent on using my bladder for a pillow. It's still fun. I'm ready for August though. I can't wait to meet the little guy :)

Over the halfway mark

Lane has learned a new trick. It's called "kick Mommy in the most ticklish spot I possibly can". Somehow, he's managed to find the one spot that is guaranteed to make me laugh no matter what is going on, and he exploits it. It's kind of cute. But, I have a feeling that this kid is going to be rather hyper, because even now he doesn't stay still more than a minute or two. It's going to be a fun few months, followed by years of exhaustion trying to keep up with him. I can't wait :) At least I have hyper dogs that can keep up with him.

I bought my first onesie Friday too. It says "mommy's new man". Bealls was having their fabulous buy one get one for a dollar sale, so since I was there shopping anyway, I got a cute onesie for $1. How awesome is that? I'm also trying to build my registry, but it is harder than I thought. All I can really think of that I need are diapers, burp cloths, onesies, and then a lot of expensive stuff like cribs and strollers. Anyway, I know everything will work out.