So I went to church yesterday for the first time in...well I can't honestly remember. Mark decided last week that he should use his expertise to help the church with their audiovisual ministry, so he went to the early service to help and then the two of us went to the late service. One of Mark's chief complaints about running sound or recording the service has always been that he can't worship the way he knows he needs to. He's too concerned with the way it sounds to listen to what's going on. My response to that complaint is that he's always concerned with how it sounds no matter if he's behind the mixer or not. But that's not what I really wanted to talk about. I wanted to make a comment about why I haven't been in church and hope that someone out there can at least sympathize with me, if they can't help me overcome it.
Ever since I graduated from ETBU, I've had this conviction that true Christians should live a life that reflects Christ in us. Now, I know what you are going to say. You are going to say that that's old news and that in any case I'm not living that life, so I don't have room to talk. Here's the difference though. I truly believe that living a life reflective of Christ does not mean living a moral life. If that's all there was to it, then we might as well hang it up because in terms of morality mainstream Islam has us beat hands down. I do believe morality is a part of it. But I believe most people stop there. They think that as long as they don't commit any aggregious sins that they are ok. But I believe the measure of a Christian is the condition of his heart, not the condition of his life. If we follow the letter of the law but do not help a brother or sister in need, then what are we? We are hypocrites. It seems to me that the majority of Christians are so concerned with living in their little bubble of morality, away from the dirt and grime of the world that they fail to see the people that are really hurting outside. I have found that the best ministry is a cup of chicken noodle soup and a couch to sleep on when the rest of the world has turned its back on a friend. My husband tells me all the time that I stop to help people that he doesn't even notice anymore. It seems like Mark isn't the only one that doesn't see them anymore. If we all took time out to look around and see that those people we call "sinners" are not that different from us, that they have real needs and real pain, the world wouldn't be so hardened against us.
The title of this post came from Bobby's sermon yesterday. He preached on Jonah and how God gives us second chances. The reason I titled this post the way I did is that it took me many months in the belly of Sheol to come to this realization. I didn't feel like I was getting any fulfillment from warming the pews every Sunday morning. And even though right now I probably am not living the way you think I should be, I'm more fulfilled dining with the tax collectors than I ever was sitting in the temple with the Pharisees.
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